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home about me in her time of dying the beginning hospice in her time of dying reflections on the day a change goodbye aftermath grief and other things urn shopping 101 dear grief places ashes to ashes one month music mother’s day what is and what will never be nellie’s birth story july 20, 2018 even in the quietest moments september 23, 2016 2 comments welcome to ! so glad you decided to come. never miss a thing by subscribing to my rss feed . i don’t think about my mom very much anymore. when i do, it’s usually a fleeting thought because something or someone reminded me of her—and usually it’s not a pleasant experience. people talk a lot about triggers—words, phrases, sounds that bring them back to a time of trauma. for me, it’s people. people who exhibit behaviors, mannerisms, or characteristics that my mother had are like triggers for me. it makes me uncomfortable to be around those people and i usually avoid them as much as possible. i digress. one evening, a few days after we came home from the hospital with jude, i was sitting with him on the couch when my daughter came downstairs. “mom, look,” she said. “we should give this to jude.” i looked at the item in her hand—a beanie baby-style tie-dyed bear. i recognized it instantly, though until that moment i had forgotten it existed. on the back of the bear, the logo for the beatles is stitched and on the front: it was one of those moments in time where it feels like everything skips—like when you’re walking down the street and miss a step. everything around you slows and your stomach drops until you can catch yourself and go about your life as usual. years ago, my daughter had found this bear amidst old belongings of mine, and had claimed it for her own. i hadn’t thought about it since. but looking at it then, i remembered the day i got it clearly. i was 16 years old, and my mother had bought it for me from spencer’s in the mall. i was obsessed with the beatles, just as she had been at that age, and it was one of the only things we’d ever come remotely close to bonding over through our entire life together. i am an atheist, and do not believe in the supernatural. i’m not entirely sure that i believe in concepts like kismet, or karma, either… but if there was such a thing as kismet, this was it, staring me in the face. it was like she had known, somehow, all those years ago, about my jude. i took the bear from my daughter and smiled. “that’s so sweet, baby. i think it’s perfect for jude.” there have been other moments lately where she has crossed my mind. they usually come during quiet moments when i’m cuddling jude. i’ve idly wondered what she would have thought of him—of her grandson. even though it is a family name and not a direct homage to the beatles song, i think she would have loved that his name is jude. i was holding him, rocking him back to sleep after he fussily woke up early from a nap. “beautiful boy” (john lennon) was playing from my laptop and as i looked down at him, i began to cry. an overwhelming feeling of love for my boy rose up and washed over me. i stared down at his face, snuggled close to my chest and in that moment, i knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my own mother never felt for me what i feel for my children. it’s not the first time i’ve had that thought and over the years since her death i’ve come to accept it more, but this time it came at me completely uninvited and ugly and it made me cry. i know she tried to love me. she did the best she could. but it couldn’t have been the same as how i feel, otherwise, how could she have hurt me so? i rocked jude and held him close, kissing his face and assuring him that his mama loved him. and his mama does. i love my children so much it scares me. in the wee hours of the night when i’m up with my newborn son, when i feel frustrated because he’s taking a long time to eat and all i want is to go back to sleep, i feel sad that i do not have a mother that i can reach out to and commiserate with. there is no maternal voice on the other end of the line to whom i can ask, “what was this like for you? did it make you cry? when i squeaked and grunted in my crib, did you peer over to make sure i could breathe? how much did i eat? what was life like when i was brand-new?” there is no mother who can tell me these things. even if she were still alive, my mother was institutionalized for the first few weeks (maybe months?) of my life. she wouldn’t know even if i did ask her. these are the times i think of her. they come randomly, and are usually accompanied by feelings of profound loss and sadness. i’m a mother with no mother of her own, and that is a very hard thing to be. beautiful boy (jude’s birth story) september 11, 2016 1 comment for the last 1-2 months of my pregnancy, i had a feeling that i wouldn’t make it to my due date. my certainty of this only grew toward the end. my company gave us friday and monday off for labor day, and as i left work on thursday afternoon i tidied up my desk a bit and took several things home with me—just in case. the beginning of the long weekend was uneventful. i had lunch with my husband, had an ice cream date with my girl, and rested a lot. over night on friday and into the morning on saturday, i began having contractions. they weren’t anything major, but they were still contractions and were fairly regular. at 36 weeks pregnant, i tested positive for group b strep and my midwife told me that meant i needed to come in once my contractions were regular so i could get plenty of antibiotics during labor. when my contractions reached about 5 minutes apart on saturday morning, we collected our bags, took our daughter to her grandparents’, and headed to the hospital. my contractions continued, but didn’t worsen. they checked us into labor & delivery triage. there, the nurse checked me for dilation—i was 1 1/2 centimeters, but effacement wasn’t good. we stayed for an hour so they could monitor contractions, and after that hour she checked me again. no progress. we were sent home, feeling very silly and discouraged. my contractions calmed down & eventually stopped. we had already told our daughter that she would probably be spending the night with her grandparents, so we asked them if they would just keep her that day and overnight so we could relax just in case it wasn’t false labor. they agreed, and my husband & i got the day all to ourselves. we napped, we had dinner, we watched movies… we missed our girl, but the time we got to spend together was rare and wonderful. the next morning, we retrieved our daughter and headed home. we spent early sunday just chilling out at home. later we went to the park, and then the zoo. i secretly hoped that all the walking would trigger some real labor contractions, but didn’t get my hopes up too much. i rode the little zoo train with nellie and we walked around some. after we got home we all just relaxed and didn’t do much of anything. after we got nellie to bed for the evening, josh and i stayed up watching movies. i was sitting on my yoga ball while we were watching “to wong foo, thanks for everything, julie newmar” when i began feeling slightly crampy. throughout the entire movie, the cramps came and went—nothing regular. i went to the restroom a few times and noticed each time there was bloody discharge, and i wondered if i was slowly losing some of my mucous plug. after the false labor the day before, i didn’t want to get my hopes up, so i didn’t think much of it. but the further we got into the movie, the more regular the cramps became. these were definitely different than the ones i had felt the day before, but i was still hesitant. once the movie ended, we headed upstairs to bed when things started getting more regular and painful. i began timing my contractions, noticed that they were coming between 4-7 minutes apart, and i was having a hard time talking through them. our daughter had been asleep for a while at this point, and we didn’t want to drag

URL analysis for mommyboots.com

http://mommyboots.com/2016/09/
http://mommyboots.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/screen-shot-2016-08-30-at-9.23.22-pm.png
http://mommyboots.com/about/
http://mommyboots.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/screen-shot-2016-08-30-at-9.23.59-pm.png
http://mommyboots.com/2012/04/in-her-time-of-dying-mothers-day/
http://mommyboots.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/screen-shot-2016-08-30-at-9.28.18-pm.png
http://mommyboots.com/2012/01/in-her-time-of-dying-dear-grief/
http://mommyboots.com/#wrap
http://www.mommyboots.com/category/motherhood
http://mommyboots.com/2016/09/beautiful-boy-judes-birth-story/
http://mommyboots.com/2013/07/run-for-your-lives-5k-tips-tricks-and-a-discount-code/
http://www.mommyboots.com/
http://mommyboots.com/2013/09/mumford-sons-new-jobs-zombies/
http://mommyboots.com/2016/09/even-in-the-quietest-moments/#comments
http://mommyboots.com/2012/06/in-her-time-of-dying-what-is-and-what-will-never-be/

Whois Information

Whois is a protocol that is access to registering information. You can reach when the website was registered, when it will be expire, what is contact details of the site with the following informations. In a nutshell, it includes these informations;

Domain Name: MOMMYBOOTS.COM
Registry Domain ID: 1613551484_DOMAIN_COM-VRSN
Registrar WHOIS Server: whois.enom.com
Registrar URL: http://www.enom.com
Updated Date: 2017-08-31T04:12:17Z
Creation Date: 2010-08-30T23:53:16Z
Registry Expiry Date: 2018-08-30T23:53:16Z
Registrar: eNom, Inc.
Registrar IANA ID: 48
Registrar Abuse Contact Email:
Registrar Abuse Contact Phone:
Domain Status: clientTransferProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientTransferProhibited
Name Server: NS3.TWENTY70.COM
Name Server: NS4.TWENTY70.COM
DNSSEC: unsigned
URL of the ICANN Whois Inaccuracy Complaint Form: https://www.icann.org/wicf/
>>> Last update of whois database: 2018-08-23T18:25:36Z <<<

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view the registrar's reported date of expiration for this registration.

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Registrars.

  REGISTRAR eNom, Inc.

SERVERS

  SERVER com.whois-servers.net

  ARGS domain =mommyboots.com

  PORT 43

  TYPE domain

DOMAIN

  NAME mommyboots.com

  CHANGED 2017-08-31

  CREATED 2010-08-30

STATUS
clientTransferProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientTransferProhibited

NSERVER

  NS3.TWENTY70.COM 198.136.50.130

  NS4.TWENTY70.COM 198.136.57.2

  REGISTERED yes

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